Barney: And stop shouting! You’re scaring Cottontail.
Ted: You… named the rabbit?
Barney: You took longer to get here than I thought, we bonded, I’m keeping her.

     How I Met Your Mother 6.05 - “Architect of Destruction”

For haz-el-nino and awesometrainwreck.

Barney: Ohhh, he’s goooood. Classic seduction technique.
Marshall: What do you mean?
Barney: First, I buy her, and by her, I mean you, a drink. Now I’m the guy who gets her what she wants. Then, I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. For you, that would be the environment. Now I’m the great guy who shares her interests, and before you know it, you’re naked in my apartment shouting, “Ohhhh Barneeeeeey!” And by you, I mean her.

     How I Met Your Mother 3.06 - “I’m Not That Guy”

For kathrynkinney.

Barney: It’s not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! You don’t have to do this, bro!
James: Yes, I do!
Barney: Why?!
James: Because Tom and I are gonna have a baby!
Barney: What, there’s gonna be a baby?
James: Yes. We’re adopting.
Barney: Oh my god… I’m gonna be an uncle?
James: For the rest of your life.

     How I Met Your Mother 2.10 - Single Stamina

For erikamk.

Lily: God, this must be so hard for Barney.
Marshall: Yeah, but you know what, he took a big step today.
Barney: PAPA!

     How I Met Your Mother 6.02 - “Cleaning House”

Lily: [packing] …How did he do that?

     How I Met Your Mother 6.02 - “Cleaning House”

awesmosis:

Freeze Frame High Five!

Lily: Barney, am I crazy? Marshall talks to his dad way too much right?
Barney: You don’t want my opinion on that.
Lily: Why not?
Barney: If I had my dad’s number, I would never not be on the phone with him.
Lily: Wow. That was really…
Barney: WHOA! A HOTTIE WITH A BODY!
Lily: …brief.

     How I Met Your Mother 6.01 - “Bad Days”

Ted: Okay, Barney. What’s this gonna cost me?
Barney: Excuse me?
Ted: Your dibs. I wanna buy your dibs.
Barney: Two… hundred… and fifty thousand dollars.
Ted: Twenty bucks.
Barney: But… I… Can I go smell her first?
Ted: No.
Barney: Fine.

     How I Met Your Mother 6.01 - “Bad Days”