Robin: …Maybe I did oversell you a bit.
How I Met Your Mother 6.02 - “Cleaning House”
Ted: Okay, Barney. What’s this gonna cost me?
Barney: Excuse me?
Ted: Your dibs. I wanna buy your dibs.
Barney: Two… hundred… and fifty thousand dollars.
Ted: Twenty bucks.
Barney: But… I… Can I go smell her first?
How I Met Your Mother 6.01 - “Bad Days”
Ted: Look. This thing with me and Robin, it’s totally casual. I’m not gonna freak out if you tell me you have feelings for her. So, do you?
Barney: Nooo. No, I don’t. I don’t. No. I don’t. I don’t. No. Robin is all yours, dude. Have fun with her. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go… sleep with other girls.
How I Met Your Mother 4.12 - “Benefits”
How to Display “The Naked Man”
Robin: Are you wearing makeup?
Ted: It’s not makeup, okay. It’s a sunscreen with a subtle tint- It’s made for men! …Sue me, I want my eyes to pop!
How I Met Your Mother 4.09 - “The Naked Man”
Stella: Come on! Let’s just be spontaneous! I used to dream that Tony would be spontaneous like this…
Ted: Okay. I’m in! And I’m also… spontaneous! [pours water on himself] …I wish I hadn’t done that.
How I Met Your Mother 4.05 - “Shelter Island”
Ted: Sonny, where’s Cher?
Lily: [as Sonny] Cher?
Marshall: [as Cher] Right here, babe.
How I Met Your Mother 1.06 - “Slutty Pumpkin”
Barney: Okay! Okay! You’re pissed! You deserve to be. Fine. You know what? One free shot. On me. Anywhere but the face.
Ted: [punches Barney in the groin]
Barney: AH! Who punches someone in the groin?!
How I Met Your Mother 3.17 - “The Goat”