Lily: Are you suggesting that guys don’t talk about sex?
Marshall: Yes, we do. But you know what we say? I hit that. I got some. I tapped it. I squeezed those. Discreet, and efficient.
Robin: Not to mention classy.

     How I Met Your Mother 6.05 - “Architect of Destruction”

Marshall: [thinking] Small penis. You have a small penis. Oh, that’s super interesting! But you have a small penis. Dammit, Marshall! Okay, okay, think of any two words other than small or penis. Got it! Small penis. Dammit!

     How I Met Your Mother 6.05 - “Architect of Destruction”

     How I Met Your Mother 3.01 - “Wait For It”

Lily: You know what, Marshall? Why don’t you have a baby with your dad?
Marshall: Oh okay, Lily. Why don’t you have a baby with your butt?

     How I Met Your Mother 6.01 - “Bad Days”

Lily: Marshall, whoa! Wait! A big package just arrived.
Marshall: Yeah it did…
Lily: No, no! It’s a real package from your dad.
Marshall: Well, that’s a little weird but… yeah it is.

     How I Met Your Mother 6.01 - “Big Days”

Robin: I’m sorry this is all so weird.
Marshall: Weird? Why would it be weird? Because you used to date our best friend, or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot?
Lily: I do not! Shut up! Oh my god…

     How I Met Your Mother 3.01 - “Wait For It”

For imflipperingyouoff.

sundaystorms:

How I Met Your Mother 1.10 - The Pineapple Incident